Empty Spaces

Over dinner today, my brother was talking about his friend who will be married in 5 months, with a non-local. So the conversation below was what followed,

"Sayang Amir diambik urang sinun, maka muka nya kacak, pandei sekolah, kerja bagus." granny said.

"Dah jodoh, ney lah gaya..." replied my brother.

"Jodoh dipolah. Mun sik dipolah sik nya jadi." 

No further comments.

--

Sometimes I feel like screaming, but I don't know if it's for joy or despair. I'm sure it has something to do with silence, mellow songs and empty spaces. Mungkin juga too much of Angus & Julia Stone. 

Everyday I see a lot of people, but I'm only constantly looking for one.

 

Ruby Red

Lately, by 10pm I would feel really tired and sleepy. By Friday 5pm my mind and body automatically drift into unstable state then strange thoughts begin appearing, emotions stir, judgements spur and nothing makes perfect sense. 

Kalau sudah kawen macam mana mau buat sex after a day's work? Aiyo.. at this rate, tak boleh la- no energy for that. Gotta be fit to enjoy better sensual pleasure at any time the hormones awake. HAHA. 

On a lighter note, on Thursday I wore ruby red and a male officemate wore the same hue. I've never talked to him, but I know his name and have always heard his unique voice talking with the others, from my cube. While I was waiting for the lift to reach our floor I stared down to avoid his gaze. When we were together in the lift I felt a little shy with him and held my lips, tried not to giggle. He did the same. We exchanged quick glances at each other, but we never caught each other in the eyes to say anything. My mind zipped. 

As soon as the lift opened, we headed to the same direction, but I think I could have gone the other way round to avoid public attention. His friend teased us in the lobby- saying that we're meant for each other, "aih sama baju kitak duak, ada papa kah tok? Nang jodoh lah!"

I burst into a blushed little laughter immediately because I couldn't stand it anymore. He started laughing at the same time I did, but I just kept on walking without looking back. I want to tell him again that we should wear matching colour to work. 

Be My Baby

Nothing feels right when you can't see anything right. I've always wondered if there's something or someone that will make me any happier than I've ever been. Can't say I haven't been happy, I'm blessed with lots of things that I should be thankful for, especially my family and friends and opportunities that nobody else gets. Am I being unthankful if I say that nothing is enough and I want more? Is it wrong to ask more?

 

One of the many things in my head these days- How do you come up to a guy and say you'd like to hookup with him to see if he's your match? Really, I don't know how to do that. And.. I'm not sure if that's sociably acceptable. 

This is when I think engineering is a more interesting subject to ponder. 

Anyway, just like to share with you an interesting tribute to the late MJ even though the video was uploaded many while ago. I love this song. 

If you're thinking of being my baby, it don't matter if you're black or white!

You Are Not Alone

It was as shocking to me too. This morning while I was sipping my coffee and about to sit in front of my 'puter to read my e-mails, I heard the news on TV about Michael Jackson's death. I couldn't believe my ears, so I googled about it. Even more shocking that it's true. 

Well, I'm not really a big fan, but I grew up with most of his famous singles. Soon as I entered the office somebody turned on the radio and all they played was MJ's songs. It rained and the wheather was quite cold this morning, so the day started quiet for everyone. 

It was melancholic to hear "You Are Not Alone" echoing, filling the morning silence in the office. To me, that song is very comforting.. and it's even more sad to hear it now that MJ is really far away. Fuh. Feeling abis. Not many songs these days are as profound yet simple like that. 

May Allah bless his soul. Rest in peace, Mikaeel.

Find You Back

Yesterday I went to meet a friend that I haven't seen for almost 10 years. She's still the same person as she was, with little upgrades of course. She remembers things I don't, she talks of things I know very well. It's so nice to talk about our childhood too. While I was with them it felt as if I was surrounded by walls painted with colours of the rainbow, safe and sound from the evils of the world. It's one of the best feelings.  

It's been a bizarre week for me, for good and for bad. Things are bland as usual at the office but I got to taste a different atmosphere of 'working' life at a different place. Things started with a little misunderstanding, but I kinda like the joyride it had brought me. The people there are awesome, as compared to the one I'm based at and I get to go to site too. But there's a weird feeling afterwards because I was on my own, without my SV. Heh. 

The backstabbing colleagues at the boring office have been talking bad again and again about my SV while she was away. I'm still as mad when I first heard them that way, because maybe.. I've begun to have a closer bond with my SV, and I respect her like my own family member. Don't want to be called nosy or what, but I will do something about the backstabbing colleagues because it's just not right. 

I'm not feeling very well since yesterday, I hope it's nothing bad. Send me positive energies so that I can heal to a better health! and better days ahead too!

Fire Keeper

One of my colleague in the office keeps talking bad about another colleague. Since the backstabbed colleague is my SV, the backstabbing colleague is now talking in whispers just to be careful that I won't hear anything anymore. But, I don't always tell other people what I hear or see, let alone fuel the fire. I pity my SV because she works so hard and people talk bad behind her and I'm not sure if she ever knows about it. 

It's disturbing to be the keeper of the fire. In the meeting they act friendly and talk like they're FF, but when my SV is not around or too busy in her own world, she's a victim of a backstabber. Then I realised, I'm still a clean painting on a white canvas crafted by my continuous 16 years of education. All these while, I was safe inside my cage, never really took a break long enough to experience the dirty world out there.

I want to go back inside my cage.